wayne koestenbaum is the best
MORALS CHARGE
The morals of my scattered tale:
wear what you want;
don’t let designers bully you;
visit flea markets to create trends of your own;
don’t be afraid of the return of the repressed;
wash your vintage items so they don’t stink;
think of the concept that you’re dressing toward (French
sailor during Fleet Week);
don’t be afraid to abandon a favorite color;
dress either to be noticed or to be overlooked, but not both;
ignore what friends tell you;
if you’re not bald, keep your hair clean;
stand up straight, or, if you can pull it off, slouch;
when someone, even if that someone is your mother, gets
remarried, wear a thrift-store item to the wedding;
observe no proprieties;
cross-dress at whim;
create private mythologies around each garment you wear;
tell these myths to your friends and lovers;
call up strangers and tell them you’re writing an essay about
a subject of great concern and ask them probing
questions;
dress down or dress up, but not both at once;
donate;
do not condemn the garments of passerby, lest you be harshly judged;
admire relentlessly, lest your spirit’s springs dry up;
choose a fetish (high heels) and stick to it;
don’t weep when a garment’s life is over;
say a proper good-bye to every garment so that when it’s
dead you won’t regret what was left unsaid;
remember that garments have as much soul as you do;
respect the genus locii of shoes;
worship at the shrine of no one else’s wardrobe, only
your own;
say a fashion prayer every night before falling asleep, lest you
wake up without a style;
every day reevaluate the distance between the grotesque and
the beautiful;
do not fear the grotesque, lest it kidnap you;
love a garment for its insufficiencies as well as its strengths;
do unto your garments as you would have them do unto
you.
